when an ex reaches out after years

Exes reach out for a lot of reasons, and wanting a relationship again might be one of them. I said I didn't have any expectations of him, but I wanted to take ownership and say "I'm sorry" and took responsibility. Why would an ex contact you years later? Since you can never really know why they contacted you, you shouldnt make assumptions about anything. Perhaps they have even started dating soon after the breakup. And some friendships just arent built to handle the transitions and changes that we go through in life as we grow and develop. It could also just be curiosity which I understand to a certain extent I guess. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Here are 7 reasons your ex might pop up months (or even years!) After thinking about it long and hard, your ex decides tore-establish contactand tell you how sorry they are. But apparently it has haunted him for 12 years enough to find me and ask. Your mentality has changed, and things are not how they used to be. Due to pride, they dont get back together immediately, get on with their lives, and date other people. If so, remember what you said and keep your word, because going against it will only cause problems between the two of you. If you had a deep friendship backing up the passionate side of your relationship, they can feel like you are still a soft place to fall, emotionally. 6. You broke up because an argument went too far, but they want to see whether you can pick up where you left off. Observe the way he or she speaks to you and see how long it takes for your ex to lose interest and stop talking. The phrase that "there is safety in numbers refers to our primal need to belong to a tribe of kinpeople and extended kinfictive kin is a word that is used by some groups to describe the close friends who serve in the roles of aunties, uncles, grandparents, etc., even without a blood or legal tie. I'm Sorry for What Happened His email said that he'd had some things on his mind. Getting an outside opinion from someone can prevent this thing from venturing into the tricky territory of hot-and-cold and help you maintain the blissful life you have been leading since the breakup. For a person who has been dumped in a relationship, no contact offers that much-required time and space for healing. I took the blame at the end of the year, entirely, when she was seated behind me, I decided to reach out. I cant say for sure, but its time for you to move forward from this person. Both of you have partners, your ex no longer has romantic feelings for you, and theyre hoping you can become friends again. How many do, I don't know. I had my ex reached out after 2 years of no contact after cheating on me and treating me poorly during the relationship. An ex suddenly reaching out after they broke up with you can be very confusing. In some cases, exes break up and get back together more than once due to unhealthy relationship patterns or beliefs. He also has a kid. The bottom line is that if youre thinking about starting the relationship again, you must think about it carefully. You are not the first one to deal with this adverse state of affairs. And if they dont like what they see, they will start missing you. Its not helpful, though, to go into any reconnection with too many expectations. I'm not annoyed by it, I just don't understand if it makes sense? I had never mentioned it to him as since I had miscarried it didnt seem like there was anything to discuss. I'm here to tell you that this is a BIG opportunity for you and it's something you shouldn't ruin. My ex contacted me after 10 + years. He'd called when I wasn't home, and I never returned his phone call. Just ask, Why did you reach out to me after all this time? Your ex will likely be at a loss of words at first, but soon either give you the truth or half-truth. So before you take your ex back, make sure your ex wants you for you and not just because your ex can benefit from you and rely on you emotionally. Minor inconveniences in their way or temptations to commit infidelity can drift two lovers apart in a jiffy. It creates so much confusion because your ex's actions are conflicting. I'll respond when she texts but it's usually something really superficial and she doesn't make an effort to continue a conversation anymore. ETA: He's the one who dumped me. It felt good verifying that intuition. I think youre right. She reached out a few years ago but she didn't really make any effort to apologize and kind of half-asses the friendship now. Yesterday, he said, My ex and I are talking again. When an ex contacts you years later, you need to focus on why they became your ex in the first place. She said she feels guilty for our relationship (as I was involved with someone else at the time.) Pro tip: Keep your mind open and your heart closed. Personally I've never reached out to an ex - but my abusive ex of 5 years reached out to me. Thank you for your article very insightful. You can do one of two things, listen to what your ex has to say, or ignore them. Don't get comfortable and slide back into old habits. His entire purpose was to find out truth from me. If the relationship was abusive, its not advised for your physical and mental safety to get back with your ex. I think that she would really appreciate hearing that and she deserves it. However to say a rocky marriage would be an understatement. Part of the need to re-connect is driven by the ambiguous threat of the pandemic and, practically speaking, part of it is likely due to the greater number of hours of alone time that we may feel the need to fillto get our minds off our own circumstances, in some cases, and focus on something more positive, or at least feel like were doing something to support someone else. Here are ten reasons why exes reach out years later. I understand someone might just want a quick chat. Video calls with loved ones are really meaningful when youre not getting to see anyone outside of your own reflection in the mirror. My husband gave me the grace to get extremely needed closure with him. Friendships are funny thingssome of the relationships you think are the deepest are really reflecting more about the intensity of that time in your life, not the genuine depth of the relationship. It will save you a lot of unnecessary fights in the future. Have you ever considered getting back with your ex? When we experience a sense of danger or face threats, most of us immediately are driven to seek out our support network members. Your heart might start beating faster the moment you get a text from the ex but take a few minutes to think about the consequences if you end up meeting the ex again. Like I said, I never reached out to an Ex. Most adults in their 40s and up spent long hours on the telephone as teenagersthey were the way we deepened friendships, kindled romances, and were able to comfortably whisper our deepest secrets or express our angerwhen there was no other way to get close to the friend, romantic interest, or ex-romantic interest. I'll just say I've never seen it work out super well in real life (or, it's worked out but in a way where the ex wasn't actually needed for closure). On the contrary, what if your ex got dumped and just wanted to check in on you? Lets not lose sleep over only the unpleasant prospects. Good emotional support is tough to come by out there in the cold, dark dating world. Ex Reached Out After No Contact. There was a lot of love in your dynamic before, and that may have turned to affection and warmth. Something bad must have happened to her that made her want to clear he conscience. I fessed up about the hiding incident, much to my embarrassment, lol. She even made accusations towards me after the first month of our no contact to add salt to the wounds. If the roles were reversed, how would you feel about it? He sent me another not long after, again I read it and deleted it. That doesnt, however, mean that you should talk to her, keep getting closer, and abandon your wife. I guess, theoretically, the other person could help you find closure but they don't need to do that, and asking them to do that is a big and (possibly) inappropriate task to put upon an ex. Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for Indians everywhere! Couple relationshipsthe pains and pleasures, the anxieties and comforts, the craziness and calm. Additionally, if youre getting back with your ex because youre lonely, that may not be a good idea either. Consider whether your ex is entitled to this kind of work from you. Each relationship has its own unique conclusion. It may not be worth getting dumped and hurt again. Its . By reaching out, they determine whether their ex hates them, likes them, loves them, respects them, or feels neutral about them. I wished him well too. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Ignore it. He asked me if I would give him the opportunity to say them to me. Listen, the messages are very casual and kind of nice but I really don't feel like I have anything in common with this person, it would never occur to me to message him. They get curious or nostalgic, so they reach out via text, call, or social media. Despite going on several dates after breaking up with their ex-partner, they never met anyone worth having a serious relationship with. But he wasn't thrilled about it, but we all agreed to never meet in person. The only reason your ex is trying tore-establish contactis that they need some advice about a serious issue theyre having. He contacted me on the exact date we broke up 4 years ago in february. He got married but still contacted me for some reason. Whatever the bad news, your ex thought youd want to know about it. Will things be better now? The best way to handle this is by understanding the fact that sometimes a text is just a text, says Jaseena. Talking again was good, and I'm happy we did. Youve probably told your partner all about your ex, and why you broke up. You might be the kind of person who does not stay friends with their exes and the sudden texting might throw you off guard. Of course, as a dumpee, you might not have to stay your exs backup plan forever. We're all human. When you know why he or she reached out, youll be able to decide whether talking to your ex is even a good idea. While you tactfully avoid tapping on the notification, it can throw your whole mojo off-balance. If youre feeling a bit confused and overwhelmed by your ex contacting you, speak to a trusted friend or family member. Granted, I was also really young comparatively (mid-twenties) and I didn't understand that closure comes from yourself, not another person (I had a really wonderful therapist help me work through this paradigm-shift). When you reach out to a former friend from a place of support and no expectations others than to share a moment of connection, it can leave a lasting feeling of positive connection and appreciation for that persons having been there earlier in your life and when you reached back out in this period of uncertainty. I'd done something he considered cheating. For the past year, I've been letting go of people from my past & focusing on what I want in an ideal partne. A part of me feels like I need to give him closure and I'm not sure how? He was. You dont dictate the pace, criticize your ex, or talk about the breakup. Your ex didnt treat you very well when you were together, and to top it off, they dumped you and never looked back.

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